I miss how writing used to be for me. Lately I've been bogged down with the stress of thinking about publishing, even thought I am no where close.
As I've learned more about writing, the more pressure I put on my self. It used to be just write. Just sit down anywhere, with pen and paper, a napkin, on my note app, or on a real document. It was so fun. It was escape. it was bliss. I miss it so much. My writing process is so much better now. My plots are better now, my prose is better, and my characters are better. But I miss the fun I used to have writing. That's what this blog was for me for so long. Then I got stressed and overwhelmed about having polished content that was interesting and on brand. I started to hate the design of my website and my blog post photos. I hated how naïve my early posts were, and thought far to long about how cringe it was to re read them.
I tried to start posting on Instagram, but that was worse. That's straight up terrifying. I hated everything I posted. I hated when they got no likes, but it was almost worse when they did okay because that meant people were actually seeing my beginner Instagrammer content. And small things like a spelling error I didn't notice could ruin my whole day, or not knowing how to respond to a DM or comment on a post. I'm still struggling with that. It's hard! And there's no guidebook on how to handle it all. So on top of the pressure of writing something publishable, I was overwhelmed with the stress of navigating social media.
I haven't actually addressed it yet, no one has explored my website since I updated it it seems. But there is a new page that has the podcast I started on it. I haven't talked about this podcast yet because it is by far the scariest thing. I just posted a new one today where I talk about dreams, take a listen if your interested, it's only 7 minutes.
I know reminiscing is unhelpful, often our memories are happier than they truly were. I probably struggled with writing a lot way back when too. But I can't help but think about it. Things have gotten more complicated. That's the nature of growing up, isn't it? Gosh, I never really believed all the people that told me to enjoy the time I had being a kid, cuz once you're an adult, you can never get it back. Going back and reading the stories I wrote early on is painful. But I can remember what it was like in my head, and it's the same today, but I actually have the tools to make it as epic on the page as in my head (Or at least closer). And I'm forever glad for that. I just need to work on getting out of my head and not stressing it. I want to feel the magic of a story flowing out of my fingertips onto the keyboard, or page. I haven't felt that in a long time.
This was a little of a ramble, but that's where I'm trying to get back to. The simple magic of creating, without the adult stresses. If anyone has any advice at all on this, please, I need it. How do you create without stressing about the future? How do you share on social media, post blogs, videos, podcasts, without being mortified at the thought of anyone seeing it?
Okay, enough existential crisis for one night.
~ Thane
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