I write a lot of poems that are to, or about, specific people. The problem with these sort of poems is there isn't really a place to put them, something to do with them. But it's poetry and it's good and they are words I wrote.
I write most my poems when I'm feeling a lot of things and don't know how to organize all my thoughts and feelings and they all come spilling out like this.
So here's another poem.
To all the friends I don't talk to anymore
There are memories of you I still think of almost everyday
When I see that one movie
When I look on my shelf at that knick-knack you gave me
When I order my food the way you made me try
There are still moments I mourn your passing
Not from the world, but from my life
Which feels all together the same sometimes
As a child,
I looked upon the world with wide eyes and open palms
Ready for whatever was out there
New friendship, new adventures, magic
As a teenager,
I learned to step back
Prepare for heartbreak
Learned that sometimes the people you think you won't lose
Walk away
And you have to find a way to tell your heart it's okay
It will be okay
You'll be okay
People are allowed to walk out of your life
And you are allowed to feel every emotion it makes you feel
You can't make people care
And you can't carve the care out of your own heart to stop the hurting
But eventually you won't cry every time you look at their picture
Or drive your car past their house
Or hear their name on the lips of someone else
Hear stories of their life
Know you aren't apart of it anymore
And it will be okay
A twinge, maybe
But not full scale heartbreak
Friends come and friends go
Confidants fading into strangers
It's a strange world
Walking past someone you once held as they cried
Stayed up to watch the sunrise
Told every funny joke and embarrassing moment too
And see them in the grocery store aisle and not know what to say other then small talk and move on
The passage of time wiping away our bonds
I hate that I could list their go to drink
The books they love
The tattoos they want to get
But not knowing where they work anymore
Or how they are anymore
Don't know what's changed
They are like a museum exhibit in my mind
Stagnant and never changing
Never a new piece to the collection
Unless I learn something new from a post on the internet
That sucks
I wish I could sit with you at midnight in a car again and tell you how much this sucks
In a time where you were still my friend
And texting you didn't feel like a crime
But time has passed and you've moved on
And I wouldn't know how to look at you and say any of those words
I worry I'll bump into you every time I'm at the store
Because I don't know how to go back to strangers
I don't know how to not be close friends
I can't do in-betweens
I can't do casual relationships
I will either be honest, and all in
Or I can't smile and pretend it's okay
To see you, but not be able to talk to you
I don't know how people do it
For me to, I have to cut every tie
No connection or conversation on either side
Can't hear new information about you from someone else
Can't scroll through social media and see you online
I need to block and cut every tie
Or else I'll lie awake on a work night and cry about the months casually slipping by
Wondering if you ever think about the people lost in your past too
One day, a snow ball fight and exchanging Christmas presents
Which were perfect
Because we were friends and we knew what the other person really really liked
And then it's March and I wish I could forget every memory we made
Walking away feels like a betrayal
I took down photos of you today
Memories I love and cherish
But feel like I can't because I'm still hung up on your words
"I don't want to hangout with her."
When did I become a her and not a "Paige"
When did it become a chore to see me?
When did you stop seeing me as a friend?
When did you decide you didn't want to try?
I guess this isn't to all the friends I don't talk to anymore
But just one
When did I become a friend you didn't talk to anymore?
Kommentare